<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Worthless, worth less or is it so much more? by smolbeanmerlin</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150080">Worthless, worth less or is it so much more?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolbeanmerlin/pseuds/smolbeanmerlin'>smolbeanmerlin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Character Death, I am so sorry, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Arthur, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Pining Arthur, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Sad, Slow Burn, and arthur's still in that damn lake, ideas from my brain when i'm trying to sleep, it's been 8 years, oh well, prepare for a lot of angst, sorry - Freeform, this is gonna be a messed up story, this is gonna be a very long burn, this is my way of coping with the ending, what am I writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:54:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,152</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolbeanmerlin/pseuds/smolbeanmerlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin thought his life was worthless; Nobles thought his life was worth less; There was a King, however, who new it was worth so much more.</p><p>Or<br/>Merlin means the world to Arthur. He's going to make Merlin realise that. But when has it ever been that simple between the two of them?</p><p>Or<br/>Welcome to the life of Merlin and Arthur Pendragon. Pining ensues.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>207</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Worthless, worth less or is it so much more?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello all!</p><p>I am going to try to make an effort with this story but there is no guarantee that posting chapters will be regular and on time. But I procrastinate a lot so this story will probably still be a WIP by next year lol. </p><p>Sorry if you prefer regular updates, but maybe the long waits in between might be worth it. </p><p>I hope you will enjoy this if you dare read it, so yeah, I'll try not to keep any of you waiting!</p><p>   -smolbean</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur Pendragon liked to go on hunting trips. He always had. It helped him deal with the heavy destiny weighing on his shoulders. He could partially forget about who he really was and how his father's kingdom would one day be his responsibility. It was inevitable. Sometimes, Arthur could feel his future crushing him and so he went hunting.</p><p>The peace that the forest hummed swept over him with a soft whisper in his ear and a simple ruffle to his hair. In this forest he was just Arthur.</p><p>Not Prince Arthur.</p><p>Just Arthur.</p><p>There were days when he wondered of a world where there was nothing to him other than his personality and his self-worth. But in this world it looked as if fate had other plans for him.</p><p>Again, the swish of the wind eradicated his thoughts of 'what if?'. He was content and he liked it. The forest never judged him. The forest was the only thing that treated him like an equal.</p><p>That was until a boy called Merlin turned up.</p><p>Merlin showed a blind eye toward formality and royal respect. It shocked Arthur at first. No one had ever treated him in the manner that Merlin did. He had entered dangerous territory that other common folk never dared to go into. At first, it made Arthur angry that someone as low as Merlin would provoke a royal like him. His arrogance dissipated quickly though and he felt a strange pull towards the lanky boy with the most prominent of ears.</p><p>This time, he had quietly thanked destiny. Things felt right when Merlin started to be by his side and Arthur felt himself turn into the man he was in the forest.</p><p>Arthur Pendragon used to like going on hunting trips. Now, with Merlin by his side and the forest gently playing with his cloak, Arthur loved hunting trips.</p><p>--------------------</p><p>"Come on <em>Mer</em>lin, we're starving!" Arthur moaned to his half-wit of a servant. He wasn't starving, but taunting Merlin seemed to dissipate his boredom.</p><p>"Well, maybe if you had taught your royal ass to cook, then you would know that it doesn't take seconds to make your dinner!" was Merlin's retort. He really had the guts to say that, but Arthur wouldn't let Merlin win this childish feud.</p><p>"Actually, if your idiotic head had noticed, you'll find that I am perfectly capable of cooking one of your measly dinners." was all Arthur managed to bounce back.</p><p>"I really don't doubt you can, sire." Merlin's sarcasm was cute, however Arthur shouldn't be thinking that.</p><p>"Just hurry up <em>Mer</em>lin, we haven't got all day." Arthur sighed. Maybe the time for friendly squabbles should happen later. Arthur wasn't in the mood for it anymore.</p><p>"Maybe you would if you got off of that pompous ass you sit on everyday." anyone would be shocked about how Merlin was easily able to insult his king, but with Arthur, it just made him grin even wider. Okay, so maybe he was in the mood for bantering with his idiotic servant.</p><p>"Being a manservant doesn't mean you can question the way I run the kingdom, <em>Mer</em>lin." Arthur answered reasonably.</p><p>"It might be my concern if everyone hates you." Merlin was starting to hit Arthur's nerves. It made him want to open up and let his bottled up emotions free, like any normal person would unashamedly do. Arthur didn't like it.</p><p>"And do they?" Arthur managed to firmly ask.</p><p>"My answer stands for the whole of Camelot." Merlin replied. What did that mean?</p><p>"Does it now...mm." maybe if he was sarcastic he could fare off signs of self-doubt.</p><p>"Of course, sire."</p><p>"So, <em>Mer</em>lin, what is your answer?" questioned Arthur, secretly wanting to know Merlin's opinion of him.</p><p>"You're a dollophead."</p><p>Of course Merlin would take the route of avoiding the answer and instead trying to weave out by using that word which Arthur still didn't fully know what it meant. Apparently it meant 'King Arthur' , but how could something mean himself?</p><p>"That's still not a word Merlin."</p><p>"It's still two real words put together."</p><p>That still didn't make it a word that made sense.</p><p>"You're infuriating."</p><p>"I may be that, sire, but at least I'm not dollophead."</p><p>Again. Not a real word.</p><p>--------------------</p><p>Dinner was good. That's what King Arthur would say. However, just Arthur would say that dinner was far from good. In fact, much better than good. He would say that it was his typical hunting supper. And that's what made it the best.</p><p>As always, Merlin's cooking was on point, but Arthur would prefer to face the void of hell than voice that opinion aloud to Merlin. Arthur could, however, admit that it would be worth it for the smile that would contagiously spread over Merlin's features. His ocean blue eyes would sparkle slightly with an ethereal glint of gold. His ears would lift and look even bigger and goofier, making Merlin's whole face look even more otherworldly than it was before. His lips would quirk up and then part to reveal that massive and adorable smile of his.</p><p>He realized he was staring at Merlin. Staring at his lips, he realized.</p><p>There was an interesting tree over there. Most of its leaves were laid in disarray across its base. Leaves were interesting too.</p><p>And so was Merlin.</p><p>Wait, what?</p><p>No, Merlin was his servant. No. Merlin was a servant. Merlin washed socks. Arthur couldn't think like that towards someone who washed socks.</p><p>Socks were also interesting.</p><p>Maybe Merlin could get him some new socks. Arthur really did need new socks. He could go to the market with Merlin and choose some. He would obviously only get the ones that had Merlin's approval.</p><p>"So, princess, what are you thinking about?" he heard Gwaine whisper in his ear.</p><p>"Merlin."</p><p>Arthur was too busy staring at Merlin to notice to see Gwaine looking to Arthur, then to Merlin and then back to Arthur with a mischievous grin planted on his face.</p><p>"Oh....... I see."</p><p>Arthur furrowed his brows.</p><p>"What?" asked a confused Arthur.</p><p>"I knew already, princess." Gwaine's grin grew bigger.</p><p>"Knew what?" Arthur tore his eyes away from Merlin and looked at Gwaine. He seemed to be getting excited and Arthur had no idea why.</p><p>"I mean, it was quite obvious..."</p><p>What was obvious. Arthur had never been obvious in his life. Why did Gwaine keep talking in riddles?</p><p>"What the hell are you talking about Gwaine?"</p><p>"Merlin."</p><p>Why was Gwaine talking about Merlin?</p><p>Gwaine rolled his eyes, "You are so oblivious, mate" then seeing Arthur's face become even more screwed up with confusion, he added, "It's not that hard to tell him you love him."</p><p>What?-</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Ohhh.</p><p>Standing up, Gwaine patted his shoulder and walked away, giving Arthur no chance to reply or retort on what Gwaine had just said.</p><p>He didn't love Merlin, of course he didn't. That was just silly.</p><p>--------------------</p><p>Arthur had offered to take first watch, even though he was tired. Well, he thought he was tired. He kept on thinking about what Gwaine had said and kept pondering on fantasies of living on a farm with Merlin or cuddling up with Merlin on a cold winter's night or even placing a crown on Merlin's head, declaring him his husband and then kissing the life out of him.</p><p>Merlin would be a terrible husband and probably a terrible kisser.</p><p>But Merlin could also be a great husband and a great kisser.</p><p>Life could be very confusing at certain times and right now Arthur could relate to that statement.</p><p>And of course, to make things even more complicated, Merlin was still awake and was walking over to him.</p><p>"I can take watch if you want." Merlin offered.</p><p>Arthur relaxed under the comforting heat that had just sat down next to him. Being close to Merlin was a familiar sensation to him and if he dared say it, he liked it. Arthur really wanted to cuddle into Merlin right now. The thought was tempting, but he didn't act upon it.</p><p>"And what are you going to do when you see a group of bandits running towards you? Scream like a girl?" now that was what Arthur called a good retort.</p><p>The sharp poke in the leg was unfair.</p><p>"Merlin!"</p><p>"You deserved it."</p><p>"No I did not!" Arthur retaliated.</p><p>"If you say so, sire."</p><p>Cute sarcasm. Again.</p><p>A short silence lay around like dust. Unforgotten but not wanted to be acted upon. Then Arthur remembered something.</p><p>"You still didn't answer that question properly."</p><p>"What question?" Merlin asked, looking confused.</p><p>There were just sometimes Arthur had no idea if Merlin was acting dumb or not.</p><p>"Does everyone hate me?" Arthur replied, trying again to not doubt his worthiness as King.</p><p>Merlin's face melted into a pensive look and Arthur knew Merlin was going to mock him. However, Merlin's face sobered and a seriousness flashed over his features. His brows furrowed.</p><p>"Of course not!" Merlin said, his voice deeper in tone and with a hint of threat. Merlin definitely wasn't joking and his offensive manner almost made Arthur think that this was personal to him.</p><p>Arthur wanted to believe him.</p><p>"Morgana does."</p><p>Again, with a serious punch to his words, Merlin spoke "Morgana has no reason to hate you. You may be your father's son, but you're certainly not like him. Morgana has been blinded by hate and fear. She is more like Uther than you ever have been."</p><p>It was a wonder how Merlin, out of all people, could speak like a King.</p><p>However, self-doubt still lingered. Merlin could just be saying this to make him feel better.</p><p>"How do I know you're not lying?"</p><p>"Because it's my opinion. I have no say in what you should believe in. I am not lying because you deserve to know the truth."</p><p>Of course. Merlin's loyalty was self explanatory. So was Merlin's lack of knowing his own worth and how much he mattered to Arthur.</p><p>"Merlin, you've always had a say in what I should believe in." Arthur answered, trying to tell Merlin that he really should give himself more credit.</p><p>"Not really."</p><p>The selfless idiot really thought that he wasn't worth anything.</p><p>"I wouldn't believe that for a second."</p><p>Merlin didn't reply. And so Arthur asked the one question that had been drilling deeper into his head ever since he had laid a though on it:<br/>"What about you? Do you hate me?"</p><p>"What do you think?" Merlin replied without hesitation, whilst his blue gem-like eyes relaxed into Arthur's with nothing but a softness that made Arthur want to melt into a puddle.</p><p>Arthur had no idea what to do when Merlin looked at him like that, so he decided to answer back by conveying their usual banter in his voice.</p><p>"How the hell the would I know?"</p><p>Merlin's expression didn't waver. If it was possible to fall for someone even harder, that was exactly what Arthur was not trying to do, but he was someone seeming to fail rather miserably.</p><p>"What would you want me to say?" asked Merlin, eyes becoming searching and contemplative.</p><p>"I don't know. I suppose I would prefer you not to hate me." Arthur said honestly, letting a small smile tug at his lips.</p><p>"You really are an idiot." sighed Merlin, and then shifted his weight to bump Arthur's shoulder with his own. They really were very, very close.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"What ever made you think that I hate you?" Merlin wondered, with his eyebrows raised.</p><p>"You have to put up with me." suggested Arthur.</p><p>"You really think I hate having to put up with your antics and that turnip head of yours? I wouldn't be here if I did. Putting up with you, out of all people, is not as bad as it seems." was what Merlin seemed to blurt out.</p><p>Was that a compliment or an insult?</p><p>"Thanks..."</p><p>"No, I mean it. There's a reason that I do what I do. Sometimes, it's to see you change into the king you're destined to be. Other times, it's to protect you. But most of all, it's to <em>always</em> be your friend and stay by your side... No matter what happens."</p><p>Maybe that was a compliment. Things like this made Arthur happy. To know that Merlin, his best friend, would always be by his side, meant more to him than he would ever admit. Yet a part of him still fueled his doubt. He needed to make sure.</p><p>"Always?"</p><p>"Always."</p><p>This time, Arthur truly let himself go within the calming waves and the starry sunset that played endlessly within the depths of Merlin's eyes.</p><p>He felt his face mirror Merlin's and it was moments like this that he would never let go.</p><p>He treasured them safely within his heart and so that night Arthur dreamt of waves rolling ever so slowly to the rhythm of his heartbeat.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>